Couch Potatoes: Grooming a Sloth

*Excerpt from the award-winning best-selling novel, “The Care and Feeding of Your Couch Potato.”     *Okay, this may not actually be true!

Congratulations on your decision to adopt your new couch potato. Now that you have your couch potato, how are you to care for it? Fortunately for you, as long as you follow a few simple tips, you can keep your new couch potato happy and make a life-long friend.

Couch Potato

Image courtesy of Banalities

Figuring Out What Your New Couch Potato Enjoys

While it’s no secret that almost every couch potato enjoys watching television, it’s important when providing care to one that you know precisely which sorts of television shows or movies your new couch potato enjoys. By helping to provide your new potato friend with entertainment relevant to his or her interest, you can ensure that your new potato will stick around for the long haul.

The couch potato’s interests vary as much as those of any person, so get to know your couch potato. Perhaps your potato loves reality shows, zombie movies, sports or daytime talk shows. Whatever your couch potato’s favourite form of televised entertainment, whether it be 80s cop shows or sitcoms, try to provide it to him or her.

Getting Comfy

Your couch potato is going to be spending a lot of time on his or her favourite couch or chair. Because of this, you will want to make sure said piece of furniture is nice and comfortable, perhaps with a few pillows to enhance the comfort and a T.V. tray to use as a resting place for the potato’s snacks and drinks.

Because the couch potato will spend so much time on his or her furniture of choice, you should be aware that it is likely to wear out quicker than a couch or chair that is sat on less regularly. As a result, they will need to be replaced more often, and this can become an expensive proposition. For this reason, we recommend you look into furniture rental. Furniture rental is a great idea for those caring for a couch potato; instead of purchasing a new couch when the old one inevitably wears out, you can simply exchange it for a new rental — a proposition you may find to be much more cost-effective during your time caring for your couch potato. You should not expect your couch potato to help you overly much either, as many are somewhat cash-strapped.

Entertaining Your Couch Potato

Sometimes even couch potatoes become a little jaded and bored with watching television. Some species of couch potatoes actually prefer their forms of entertainment to be interactive rather than just passively watching a television. That’s where the most recent home gaming console or a good computer comes in. With these, your couch potato can find endless hours of entertainment and still feel as though he or she is being social.

Feeding Your Couch Potato

Now that we’ve covered caring for your couch potato, it’s time to look into feeding him or her. Couch potatoes can eat anything you do, though most tend to have a preference for consuming what we refer to as snack foods, especially during the viewing of their favourite television shows. Thus you should be prepared to purchase popcorn, pizza, potato chips and other such high-carbohydrate, sugar-dense comfort foods.

While some consider feeding couch potatoes products made from potatoes to be a form of cannibalism, you can rest easy (would that be the ultimate irony?). Despite their name, couch potatoes and potatoes are two entirely different things. A couch potato is not actually made out of potatoes. You should probably know that.

A Happy Couch Potato is a Happy Owner

By keeping your couch potato happy, you will find that happiness rubbing off on you. When you walk into the living room and see that happy glow on their face, you will know that you made the right decision. Owning a couch potato can be a pleasant and enjoyable experience. Or, maybe you can become one yourself?